Varmint Hunters Forum banner
1 - 6 of 6 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,581 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd.

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss's car.

(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is
forbidden.

However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for

another man.

In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.

At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday

boy's choice.


8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not

the weakest.


9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may

ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought

her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose

of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.


11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when with a

topless model and only when it's free.


12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed

to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as

spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to

drink as much as the other sports watchers.


17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must

remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of

pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.


19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking

about his choice of beer.


20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of

yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
weights:

a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!

b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!

c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:

i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other

situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer

than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.

Hang up if necessary.


24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"

have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and

guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the

discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.


25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable

for her to drive yours.


26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime

green, orange or sky blue.


27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for

Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox.


28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
Gymnastics.

Ever.


29: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. but do you

really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you

informed, the definition of each is listed below:


"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being

assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are

you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling

of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on

the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
274 Posts
Number 24 is words to live by. Strongly disagree with number 28 though. Not watch Katerina Witt on ice? You must be kidding. Even today, years after she first electrified the ice, I still get hot under the collar if I see her.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,335 Posts
Unfortunetly I never mastered # 24, AHHH regrets.
Number 12 should have the penalty of death if broken,Some etiquette must be preseved at all costs.:D
 
1 - 6 of 6 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top