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My daughter's boyfriend was here today visiting. He will be graduating as a Civil Engineer this spring. I told him a joke I remembered about Civil Engineering. He had not heard it yet. Evidently he has not heard a lot of them yet. I remember hearing some good ones here. Wish I would have kept them know. Can anyone help me out. Thanks in advance. Darrel

446 Posts
Here's one, oldie but goodie..

.. A team of civil engrs are standing at the edge over a very large open pit looking down on a crew escavating deeper. And then, one of the them hollers, "Stop digging, stop digging," we've got the damn plans upsidedown,,, again! :D

460 Posts
Afraid so:

My daughter's boyfriend was here today visiting. He will be graduating as a Civil Engineer this spring. I told him a joke I remembered about Civil Engineering. He had not heard it yet. Evidently he has not heard a lot of them yet. I remember hearing some good ones here. Wish I would have kept them know. Can anyone help me out. Thanks in advance. Darrel
"What kind of engineer is God?" 3 engineers were asked.

The mechanical said - He's a mechanical engineer...just look at the complexities of the muscles and joints, how the body is able to cool itself off when too hot and control heat when it gets chilled.

The electrical engineer - No, he's an electrical engineer...Neurons, nerves and synaptic impulses.

The chemical engineer looked at them puzzled. I think He is a civil engineer.

What they replied - How do you figure that?

What other type of engineer do you know that would place a recreational and waste disposal facility in the same vicinity.

There were 3 professionals trapped on a remote and desolate island. One was a physicist, one was a mathematician and the last was a civil engineer. They had a can of beans that they needed to open for food. The civil engineer said - let's get a rock and smash it. The two others looked at him - that won't work, we'll have to eat beans off the rocks. Then the CE said - Let's start a fire and heat it up - The physicist thought and decided against it. It will just explode. So he looked at the mathematician. All right then you think of something..... The mathematician thought and said, "Let's assume we have a can opener." (I know more of a math joke)

Electrical engineers design computers and guidance systems for weapons. Mechanical engineers design weapons. Civil engineers design targets.

When Albert Einstein died and came to the Pearly Gates, St. Peter met him and said. I am sorry Mr. Einstein, the place prepared for you is not quite ready. We have a room for you though that we believe will be adequate until it's ready. So Albert entered the room. He asked the first person he saw...
What's your IQ? The person responded "120" AE said, "Good, we can discuss the arts and politics and so forth."
Another person he asked... What's your IQ?. The person responded "160". AE says. "Excellent, we can discuss physics and the higher level sciences."

This goes on for awhile until he gets to a fellow that puzzled him. What is your IQ? He said, "70." "Oh," says AE, "you must be a civil engineer."

I could go on, but that's a start.

204 Posts
Generic Engineering humor.

Comprehending Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." "The second engineer nodded approvingly, Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as large as necessary.
Take 2.50:
To the engineer, the capacity of the container has been over designed by a factor of approximately 1.905 assuming a 5% volume for the sloshing safety factor.

Comprehending Engineers-Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "The pastor said, "Here comes the greens keeper, let's have a word with him. " (dramatic pause) "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Comprehending Engineers - Take 4
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem is". The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly...
One chalk mark:
Knowing where to put it:
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

Comprehending Engineers-Take Five
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

Comprehending Engineers-Take Six
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven
"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features." ----- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle

Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight
An artist, an architect and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done!"

There is more Engineering humor at the bottom of my Engineering Page:
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